FBQ Musings: If the Republican Presidential Candidates Were Gay: Ron Paul

With a dispute over the Maine Caucuses, the feisty septuagenarian continues to battle it out for the GOP nomination. Like the straw poll in Maine, the kind of queer Mr. Paul would become if transformed by the Gay Fairy, is a close call. The Queen is going to go with Chicken Hawk.
While the true definition of a Chicken Hawk would be an older gentleman (the Hawk) who prefers younger partners (the chickens)–in Representative Paul’s case, it would seem that it’s the chickens chasing the Big Bird. Consistently besting his opponents with a higher percentage of the Republican Youth vote, our pragmatic gay version would always have his hand on the…pulse of what is important to the “Millennials.”

Armed with what would seem to be a radical approach among his fellow candidates: thoughtful intelligence; Rugged Ron would enter rallies with hunky Log Cabin Republicans touting signs saying “Poofs for Paul.” It seems to the Queen that the gay version of Ron Paul would bear a striking resemblance to the straight version…only FIERCER.


Cawfee Tawk

Here are more topics that keep rattling around like a pebble in my size 10 ½ Bass Weejuns. Grab your latte and let’s discuss.
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One Fierce Black Queen’s Guide to the Iowa Caucus

For some reason, gay black men don’t automatically come to mind when thinking about the Iowa Caucuses. Why is that? We homosexual men of color are VERY much involved and interested in American Politics. And I’m sure that the one black gay Republican in the Hawkeye State will be out there in his fabulous togs exercising his rights as a citizen. However, since some surveys indicate that as many as 41% of Iowans still haven’t completely made up their minds about which candidate they will support, I thought I would help them out with a Fierce Black Queen’s (FBQ) take on each of them. Mind you, this is not a rundown of their politics–there are a myriad of blogs and pundits who are doing that today–but of their style, and/or how they might best attract voters who are not yet convinced of their fierceness.

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann

Since many analysts have Congresswoman Bachmann coming in at the bottom of the GOP pack, she needs to do something radical. An attractive person, who isn’t a SLAVE to fashion (get it? get it? SLAVE? Oh never mind.), I think she needs to put the additional “L” back in her first name. That one “L” spelling could be a little radical for some of her Tea Party supporters. I think she should also take a cue from models and superstars like Beyonce and JLo, and learn to walk in slow motion, with a wind machine blowing her hair.

Former Speaker Newt Gingrich

While former speaker Gingrich has made it quite clear that he has no interest in reaching out to gay voters, I think he is missing a golden opportunity. We Queens look at style as well as substance. This FBQ thinks that if Mr. Gingrich would simply grow a little scruff in addition to that fabulous mane of white locks, he could bring in the Daddy Bear and Cub vote regardless of his politics. Throw in a motorcycle cap and a cigar, and we husky homos might have to think twice about Obama.

Former Gov. of Utah Jon Huntsman Jr.

Some say that former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman’s style might be too smoothed and polished to run against the other candidates. Personally, this Queen thinks he should capitalize on his boyish good looks, fabulous hair and the spelling of his first name. Like styling guru John Frieda, I think he should take up Cosmetology, come out with his own brand of Hair Care products and start doing haircuts while Stumping.

Congressman Ron Paul

While Congressman Paul has some of the most passionate and avid supporters in the race, he could always use more. HE IS SO CUTE!!! But he does often look a bit like your favorite uncle as opposed to the Leader of the Free World. Might this Black Queen suggest a more casual look: say Dockers that accentuate the rear and package area, and a tight t-shirt? That would get THIS voter avid and passionate.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry

Pretty simple really. Governor Perry should trade his suits in for some desert camouflage. This could also aid him in invisibly tracking illegal aliens trying to cross the Texas border.

Former US Senator Rick Santorum

Rick Santorum…gotta get back to you on him. He scares me.

Former Gov. of MA Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney. Former Governor Romney is handsome, stylish and smart. No advice for him. He just looks like the guy you meet at a bar who says he “just wants to cuddle.” But when you take him home, and you wake up in the middle of the night…he’s doing more than just cuddling with you.