RPDR S4,E6: Float Your Boat-Untucking At Sea Continued

Kee Kee With Kelly

Okay where were we? Oh yes! We were about to talk about the segment with one of the fiercest celebrity fag-hags we’ve seen for a while. The Queen is a little long in the tooth (although I did get carded the other day buying alcohol. If I could have figured out a way to break through the bullet-proof glass and kiss the clerk, I would have.) to truly get into 1 girl 5 gays, however I love the concept and think this seemingly innocuous parlor game of Twenty Questions is a fabulous way to get to know someone. Such was the case with Kelly’s visit. I learned more about these queens in that three-minute segment than through much of the Race itself. Let’s run it down:

  • Latrice really does think Phi Phi is a bitch. This isn’t the first time Ms. Royale has called her out as one. Once, it’s a joke. After that it’s the subconscious screaming out.
  • Milan had a secret crush. I was with Willam: where did THAT come from? And with the votes for her, I’m sure Phi Phi’s ego was the size of Mount Rushmore.
  • None of the queens are attracted to Chad. Poor thing had to save face and throw shade to the other dolls.

“Phi Phi is a mean, mean little person…”–Marzirocks

So then we come to the strange letter segment. “…the producers wrote it all and just attributed it to Kenya. It’s reality TV; there’s no rule saying that any of it has to be presented the way it happened.” Are mr_subjunctive and I being too cynical? It just seemed a little too convenient that this letter would pop up. Do all the departed queens leave a letter, and we just don’t get to hear them? It seems a little suspect that someone who doesn’t feel comfortable with the language would choose this medium to voice his issues. It smells of Producer Manipulation. And Phi Phi’s poorly veiled delight at the negative comments directed at her sisters was pretty crass. As Marzirocks also posted: “… she reads that cruel letter and is all up on her high horse since Kenya said nice things to ONLY her… then says how it’s a community and they shouldn’t tear each other down and should support each other? She seems to have selective memory about how awful she is.” And as Michael Parsons de Álvarez said “Watching Phi Phi bad mouth everyone with glee is making me wish RuPaul based her final judgement on who the person is in and out of drag as well as the challenges. God forbid you would want that representing your brand.”

“Jiggly…has no excuse for her ignorance.”–hellkell

As the Queen has said previously, the history lesson was a fabulous way to introduce young gay people to a part of their legacy. However, at 30, only an octogenarian would consider Jiggly a youngster. Jiggly has probably, consciously or unconsciously, used her youthful appearance to avoid dealing with the complexities of maturation. The late educator John Holt wrote an incredible essay called “On Seeing Children As Cute“, in which he talks about the concept of “cute” in our society–specifically regarding young people–and the consequences it can have on a child’s development. Hopefully she can use this experience to jump-start her maturation process.

Willam vs. Milan

In addition to bad acting, the other thing that triggers a violent reaction in the Queen is blatant ignorance. Phi Phi’s refusal, or inability to see what’s right before her, is maddening. The difference between Milan’s float and Willam’s was oceans apart. I just don’t get it: are Phi Phi and Milan just stupid? As occasionalblonde posted about Willam’s float: “…she took the opportunity to make the challenge about more than just her being in the spotlight. She also made a point of talking about why gay pride matters and how it affected him/her personally. Willam is smart as hell. S/he knows exactly what s/he’s doing at all times.

And we are left with a dramatic runway moment: Milan’s covert warning to Jiggly.”The girls are gunning for you…be careful.” And Jiggly’s Knott’s Landing-like reply: “Which one of these stupid hoes is talking $%#! behind my back? Runnin’ they mother#$%!&* mouth? And you know what? Imma send they ass home.”

Get ready for Dynasty in the ‘Hood.

Thoughts Miss Things?


RPDR S4,E6: Float Your Boat-Top & Bottom (NSFW)

This post is NSFW

I don’t know where it’s coming from. Maybe RuPaul had this in his five year plan all along. Maybe he had an epiphany between the last season and this one. Ultimately it’s not important. What is important is that this show has gone from being a guilty pleasure to a must-see, entertaining deconstruction of what it means for some of us to be gay, and the Art of Drag.

So the mini-challenge is to don breastplates and participate in a Wet T-shirt contest at Dragtona Beach.

If they keep showing the Pit Crew and hunky young eye-candy to whoop and cheer, then EVERY week should include a Wet T-shirt contest at Dragtona Beach. As John Polly and Jon Mallow bring up in their weekly recap Drag Ya’ Later with Jon & John: the show is going all out on these sets and extras; and my eyes–and a few other parts of my body–are very grateful for it.
The Queen is SO confused by Standards and Practices. I’m not sure why you can show a breast plate with nipples laying on a table, and a person trying them on in one scene; and have to blur the same device in another.
Anyway when all is said and done, Willam out-titillates the rest of the lady boys (to the further chagrin of Miss O’Hara) and does what he said he was going to do. I know one of the things that turn folks off about this Diva is his blazing confidence. I think it’s one of the things that makes him so interesting to watch. I could see if he didn’t bring it, but he does. It is SO much easier for me to deal with a cocky bitch who has the goods to back it up, than someone who thinks they’ve got it together and have no clue *cough*Milan*cough*.Ah, well. Too bad George Carlin isn’t around to explain it to me.

The Queen was truly moved by the incorporation of Stonewall into the episode. Bianca commented that this was the kind of gay TV that he could support. This is what he expected from RuPaul, as someone who has broken stereotypes about drag.

The TRUE Fierce Black Queen: Marsha P. Johnson 1944-1992

What a brilliant and pleasurable experience to watch Chad, Sharon and Willam school these guys on their history. What a forum to have for the young people of this generation! Especially when we are seeing one of the most significant rises of HIV in young men of color between 13 and 29. Young gay men have no real role models to guide them these days (if anyone had told me at 21 that those words would EVER come out of my mouth, I would have bitch-slapped them). Without history, we are condemned to repeat the mistakes of the past. I want so much more for the beautiful young men I see every day.

So it’s Condragulations to Willam.

The Queen has to admit that the challenge was a Drag Race version of Project Runway’s “Make A Pretty Dress” with a twist. A twist that Bianca and I believe made it quite difficult for the queens to produce something with any kind of finesse (more about that in the next post). But it was fun to see him be recognized for his effort. Bianca will correct me if I’m wrong (BOY will Bianca correct me if I’m wrong), but we believe there was a difference between Willam and Milan’s float and statement. A difference that highlights the meticulousness and confidence with which he plays this game. Bravo.

And it’s Sashay Away for Milan.

Proving once again, that there is a God.

I wish him no ill will. And I actually think that he could have a pretty strong media career (possibly as a newscaster–he’s quite articulate, and has a certain ease with the camera when he’s not trying to play a character)…just not as an actor. Please. Anything but as an actor.

Thoughts? Opinions? Musings of Fierce Miss Things?

Just between us goils.

RPDR S4,E4: Queens Behind Bars-The Rest of the Inmates

Snatch Game tonight!!! But before that, let’s snatch the rest of the Queens from last week’s episode.

Phi Phi O’Hara-See, here’s my issue with this bitch: if you’re going to pout about not being in the top, or kvetch about who is–then you better bring more than generic pretty. Standard dress and same damn paint. Talk about a one-look queen. Her performance in the sitcom was fine–nothing memorable, but–she has a good sense of how to read a line…which is more than I can say for the schooled actor in the competition.

Dida Ritz–It’s a shame when you’re gay and you need Gays.
As Max Mutchnick said, she was phenomenal in the sitcom challenge. Best thing up there in terms of line delivery. Now if she could only look like a woman doing it. It would be a shame for this doll to get put out of the competition because of her lack of experience, but she has GOT to step it up in terms of hair and makeup. And ashy knees are unforgivable. Girl better forget that “sickening leg” stuff and invest in a few pairs of pantyhose.

Willam–It’s no secret that I am fond of this Beeotch. Between the almost doe-like beauty he can pull off; his palpable ambition; his rapier wit (his reference to Liz’s White Diamonds during Untucked floored me}, and mastery of the camera and sound-bite–he is a force of nature. And in the challenge, he demonstrated why he is a successful working actor. But baby, that attitude on the set was just plain wrong. And I KNOW you know better. As turned off by Mutchnick as the Queen was, he is still the director and deserves your respect–ESPECIALLY if you’re looking to work with him in the future. If I were him, my response to your retort about your resume would have led me to say: “I don’t need to know where your resume is, as I won’t be needing it for casting any of my future projects.” It was beneath you doll. You’re better and smarter than that.

Kenya Michaels–Feh. Her runway look is boring and predictable. And if I hear her say in her runway voice-over one more time: “I feel amaaaaazing”, I will personally send her a copy of a Spanish to English dictionary so that she can find some other adjectives. As far as her performance in the challenge–I’ve already talked about her. Can’t even dredge up enough interest to say any more. If you really care, read my thoughts here.

Chad Michaels–This Diva is just fabulous. The Queen officially dubs her an honorary FBQ. In terms of consistently creating an overall look, no one other than Sharon even comes close. She was flawless on the runway–a perfect homage to Florence Welch. And her classic sitcom straight-woman drag was perfect (Dida honey, please get out your notepad and sit at Chad’s feet). I can’t WAIT to see her Cher tonight.

Jiggly Caliente–Quite a pretty young thing. Bianca liked the look, and agreed that it was just the kind of ensemble a teen starlet would wear on the RC. He also wishes she would learn from Latrice how to give her body a more feminine appearance. The Queen feels as if she is one of the lady boys who confuses Gender Illusion with “realness.” What a performer she would be if she concentrated more on creating a fully realized repertoire, and less on trying to actually BE a girl.

Milan–The Queen is through with this bitch. She should change her Drag Name to something less exotic and enchanting than the Italian city. What about Mediocre? Much more accurate.
As I said in a previous post, I try very hard to be objective and accepting of most things. Bad acting isn’t one of them. Especially when you boast about your prowess. Maybe the child really does get a lot of work in the industry, but I would be shocked to find that it’s anything but extra and chorus jobs. Her acting choices are amateurish and unsophisticated at best, embarrassing and demeaning to the craft of Acting at worst. There is a story about the great Theatre Artist Stella Adler, and her interaction with one of her studio’s first-year students. After watching this young person do a monologue, she asked him “When you write home to your parents…what do you tell them that you’re doing here?”
“Acting” the student said brightly.
“You’re lying to them.”, was Adler’s curt reply.

Milan swiffering the runway

Even her LSFYL was only interesting when compared to Madame LaQueer’s “Pointer Sister” schtick. Milan is another girl who needs to be reminded that the challenge is called LIP SYNC For Your Life–not Put On Lipstick and Dance For Your Life. That worked once. It WON’T work again.The real RuPaul is back now. And she won’t stand for that any more.

Sharon Needles–Not her most interesting look ever, but still a very specific point of view.
I remain a big fan of hers, and I want to believe that her explanation/apology was heartfelt and sincere. And of course the eventual performance in the sitcom was wonderful. But listen Sharon: you’re going to get a LOT of job offers from this gig. You will probably have the chance to work with many directors and production teams–some great…some not so great. And the industry is small. Directors, Casting Directors and even crew members talk to each other about actors they work with. Don’t get a reputation for being difficult this early in the game. No matter how talented you are, you will lose out on an awful lot of gigs that way. You are FAR too adroit for that. So with much love and respect, the Queen says: “Get a grip, bitch.”

Thoughts? Opinions? Who do you think the queens are going to embody in Snatch Game tonight?

RPDR S4,E4: Queens behind Bars-Top & Bottom

What the hell is going on? I’m getting too involved in this. The producers are actually telling a cohesive story! There is a through-line with each of the queens revealing character and motivation as the episodes progress, which advances the plot. It’s good reality television. WTF?

Gratuitous eye-candy and shameless objectification of men. Isn't it WONDERFUL?

Monday’s episode actually ventured into my realm of expertise: acting. Having been the Artistic Director of a theatre company for over a decade, the Queen has had many opportunities to cast, direct, write and manage a myriad of different types of productions. And though I try to be as objective as possible in most areas of my life involving people and situations, I find that I am a judgmental, opinionated bitch when it comes to actors and acting.

Beware me RPDR contestants.

I must admit: I was extremely impressed with the dolls in the mini-challenge. It was quite refreshing to see each of the lady boys embrace the premise and “get ugly.” Since that aspect of the competition is a bone of contention with the Queen regarding some of the contestants, it was nice to see everyone let go and have fun. Some of those bitches were jacked up

I thought Willam’s concept was brilliant. However, imho, there were other teams who had better photo shoots. Nevertheless, when he and Madame LaQueer were chosen I knew the writing was on the wall for one of them.

We’ll get to Milan and Willam in depth during my next DR post.

But I’m sure that all of us Reality Show Competition Veterans knew what was coming when the two of them started boasting about their prowess in the fields of acting and television respectively. And LORD does the Queen have a lot to say about both of them regarding their behavior and performances.

But for now, let us content ourselves with a hearty, and well-deserved Condragulations for Ms. Latrice Royale.

This bitch truly has the potential to go all the way. She knows what she’s doing, she does it well and she grows with each challenge. Big ol’ stereotypical role in this week’s setup. But she made it work. She brings energy and commitment to everything she does. What a statement it would make if a Big Queen could take the top prize. You GO Girl.

And it’s Sashay Away to Madame LaQueer.

I agree with Madame’s exit statement: there are definitely queens that should have gone before her *cough* Kenya Michaels *cough*. But I can’t disagree with her being off’d based on her choices and performance in the main challenge. Again, I think the subtle nuances of American culture are necessary to really get ahead in this game. If she could spend more time in the states absorbing pop culture from a purely native perspective, I think she could truly be somebody, be about something and–say it with me–Prance.

Good luck to you, you Pulchritudinous Puerto Rican Princess.

RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 4: FBQ Countdown-Continued

The Queen has been so preoccupied these last few days, that he’s been shirking his Queenly duties: the throne hasn’t been Pledge’d and the scepter has a few cobwebs. Please forgive. However with the start of Drag Race drawing so near (this Monday), why don’t we continue counting down the bitches contestants?

DiDa Ritz

DiDa Ritz seems to have a nice personality. She’s articulate and bubbly without being nauseating. She still has that beauty pageant vibe–but I am a sucker for a realist: she acknowledges the fact that there are other talented people around. Still, as my friend and I were kee kee’ing about earlier today, there doesn’t seem to be anything special about her. It seems as if all of these girls think that simply being pretty is enough to start a mega career. Being pretty may get you in the door, but unless you have actual talent and a real media savvy, you’ll simply end up as an extra in the next John Waters movie.

Kenya Michaels

If Alexis Mateo and Yara Sofia have a love-child, it would be Kenya Michaels. I am in awe of the girls that come from Puerto Rico. It takes some major cojones (which they tuck very well) to compete in a contest that’s not in your native tongue. The divas from PR are usually smart and talented. Unfortunately there is often a slight disconnect between the queens and American Culture which hurts them in using their smarts to make the best choices during challenges. Often I fear that they are trying too hard to be “American” instead of capitalizing on their unique Puerto Rican sensibilities. Instead of looking to artists like the gorgeous Columbian, Sofia Vergara, and playing to their accent and heritage, they try to blend in.

Lashauwn Beyond

From the way Lashuawn Beyond comes off in her video, she seems like someone the Queen would like to have over for tea. Get your minds out of the gutter, Miss Things. I mean actual TEA. Smart, poised and down to earth. Possibly a little bit too down to earth. I wonder if she’s going to be ready for the cutthroat world of Drag Race. One has to be slightly nuts to put themselves out there for this kind of televised competition. I wonder if Ms. Beyond will be up to that particular type of challenge?


This bitch might just be a contender. She’s an actor, so there’s already a strong sense of how to bring out personality and play to the camera in a much more natural way. She’s comfortable in the spotlight and it actually feels as if she’s talking instead of “performing.” She’s media savvy enough to have an easily remembered name that rolls off of your tongue; and she knows her body and takes fierce picture. But I’m wondering if like Shangela–another actor–she’ll get tired of “playing” a Drag Queen, and simply use RPDR as a means to getting mainstream television work? It will be interesting to see how smart she is in playing the game.

Alisa Summers

I’m getting a real Tatianna vibe from this one. He seems to be a boy in a dress. A very pretty boy, but a boy nevertheless. Too much talk about his “beauty.” Once again a lady boy that doesn’t seem to understand that with a pair of false eyelashes, some spackle and a good make-up coach almost ANY dude can be beautiful. There’s a very “butch queen” energy about him that could make for some aggressive testosterone-filled moments in the work room. But, that said, there is still something engaging about his candor and infectious exuberance. He is definitely giving body. Hope he makes enough to get his laptop fixed.

I’ll get to the rest of these men in high-heels tomorrow. Will you be watching on Monday?