Cawfee Talk V

FBQ Gets Inoculated

First of all I have to give a HUGE shout out to Ms. Sharon Needles for mentioning the Queen’s little blog on her Facebook page. Proving once again what an elegant, classy, FIERCE corpse bride she really is. Thank you for your kindness and the exquisite entertainment you bring to so many of us fans every Monday night.

Please Stand By

The Queen was overwhelmed by the response to the post entitled “Please Stand By“. I swear I never expected such an honest and forthright discussion. It is my intent to continue the conversation and address every comment either directly or in a separate post. I did, however want to clarify the reason behind the post in case I wasn’t clear. My intent was never to stop posting. It was a musing among friends as to whether I should post about subjects specifically involving men of color. As many of you INCREDIBLE Miss Things stated, it really isn’t about defining myself for other people (as formallyamom correctly surmised, I’ve grown pretty weary of that job), but more about how others see and define black men in this country. The dialogue has begun. And I pray it goes far past simply black men, and into what ills the country that many of us call home, and how to fix it. So all of you FABULOUS Miss Things tuning in from all over the world need to join this conversation and tell us what YOUR countries are doing right/wrong on the subjects of race, gender, and class relations. The revolution will not be televised.

Fashion Star Episode 3-Here Comes Summer

The Queen is still trying to figure out whether there is enough substance in this show to warrant an entire post. As the episodes go on, the format is allowing us to see a little more of what happens in the workroom, and learn about the designers. If they would cut the dang opening extravaganza the show could pick up a good three minutes. That way we wouldn’t have to get these montages of some of the designers showing to the buyers. I really enjoyed watching Nicole Richie coach the designers. She is specific and practical–as are the other mentors. I must admit that the suspense of predicting whether a buyer will purchase a collection is fun, but ultimately the show is for an audience who knows that LMAO is a musical group and not just a web acronym. Is anyone besides the Queen watching this dang show? Do ya care?

Oh Oh Geraldo

Dear Geraldo
We all know the reason that you apologized for your comments about a hoodie being partially responsible for the death of Trayvon Martin was because your son and the media kicked your ass. Be a man. I know in the statement you were speaking as member of a minority concerned for his child’s safety. True, it was an ignorant statement which perpetuates a subservient mentality–but stand by your comments because Melissa Harris-Perry and I agree with you. The Queen has a few more garments and accessories that should be on the Dress Code for Black Safety:

For starters, you might want to avoid baseball caps. People might think you are stealing First.

Also, avoid football jerseys. A Defensive Lineman might think you’re carrying the ball.

Stay away from Red Suspenders. A Firefighter might reasonably think that you’re a part of the Engine Co.

No Polo Shirts…unless you’ve also got your jodhpurs handy.

And PLEASE–most importantly of all: Do NOT WEAR LOW RIDER PANTS!

…you wouldn’t want a Proctologist to get the wrong idea…


15 thoughts on “Cawfee Talk V

  1. I really want Sharon Needles to win but I don’t know if it’s because she is the best of because I respond to her form of humor the most. I like things that are just a little big quirky or out there and Miss Needles certainly applies. Wish the whole controversy with William hadn’t happened. Who ever wins is going to have their crown tarnished by questions they could have beaten William whether its fair or not.

    Fashion Star, Meh. I stand by my original assessment. It’s a gigantic commercial for generic clothes, not nurturing design talent. The show is designed to showcase the Dept stores first, the mentors second, the commercial sponsors third and the designers are cheap cannon fodder.

    Geraldo said something monumentally stupid. Again. Yeah, I guess if I close one eye and squint with the other I can see wear he is coming from. The same place that says if my 23 year old daughter wears a mini skirt to a restaurant that serves alcohol that she deserves to be gang raped on a pool table. Or if I am foolish enough to withdraw money from an ATM at night I deserve to be robbed a knifepoint. He’s been a professional journalist for a number of years and his talk show was a masterpiece of provocative theater, I think he found a way to interject himself into this controversy and was happy to do it.

    Laughter is good for the soul and your wardrobe suggestions made me giggle out loud. If only our problems COULD be solved by simply wearing a Law Abiding Citizen tshirt or hoodie. I love the mind that can think like that. I’ll take one in a medium please. Oh, and can you send me that nice fireman, as well, too.

  2. Oh, dear God. Geraldo has been making an ass of himself for what, like half a century now, and clearly there is no end in sight. I’ll bet his son learned to roll his eyes before he learned to walk. Of all things, a HOODIE?? Who doesn’t wear a hoodie? Did Zimmerman have a bad Facebook experience and think he was chasing Mark Zuckerberg or something? Anyway, your Dress Code for Black Safety was the perfect response.

    And “The Revolution will not be Televised” is SO taking me back, to high school, when I heard it for the first time in a class, in 1973 (yes, I’m old!). And I was already spending an awful lot of time back there after your Please Stand By post, thinking about a particular classmate and friend of mine, a young black man who I’ve long since lost touch with, but with whom I shared one of those moments that just really stick with you for a long time. The story and its setup is way too long-winded to go into right now because I just got a pile of work that is going to keep me up very late, dammit. I’ll get to it, but in the meantime there is a scene in an empty auditorium with two kids sitting on a piano bench, with these surprised looks on their faces. His is something like, “Wow, this white girl just said something I really need to think about.” And hers is something like, “Whoa, what did I say? I thought it was nothing, but this GUY is acting like I said something worthwhile.”

  3. i just thought of something. If all of us are running around in our Law Abiding Citizen Tshirts how are we going to convince those with neferious intentions to don the Felony in Progress hoodies?

      • I unconsciously look for one a “like button” whenever I’m here. FBQ’s comment section is the better part of reading on the ‘Net.

        As for the fresh new Spring line, methinks Scotty should get to cafepress or some such ‘nother post haste before someone else sticky fingers it.

        …and Sharon’s gonna win. Uber intelligence, intuitive sensitivity with a smidge of quirky just has to, doesn’t it?

  4. I’ve often wondered if there was a real, live, actual journalist hiding under Geraldo’s nutty facade. Does he just want attention, or is he genuinely batshit crazy? Now I know that under the nutty facade is a nutty center.

    Love your safety fashion tips, Scotty. And thanks for the link to the Melissa Harris-Perry piece, and the “The Revolution Will Not be Televised” video.

    Sharon Needles rocks. That is all.

  5. Geraldo, oh Geraldo. Or “Gerry Rivers” as my ex-husband’s aunt – a Dominican-American activist of sorts in NYC in the 60s & 70s – used to spit out with LOATHING when his name came up.

    Although says that the story that Geraldo was known as ‘Gerry Rivers’ in his youth & changed to Rivera (his legal name) to capitalize on his 1/2 Puerto Rican ancestry is untrue, she claimed he went by ‘Gerry Rivers’ “when it was convenient” in the late 60s and further, that he was an insufferable ass. Her first husband was a NY native & an activist Jewish lawyer of roughly the same age as Geraldo (Geraldo was raised “mostly Jewish” and was a lawyer/activist in NY before he went into t.v.), so I guess they moved in overlapping circles – though I never heard any concrete stories about *why* she despised him so thoroughly.

    Lord, may Gil Scott-Heron R.I.P. His art meant a lot to me in my younger days & when I stop to really listen to music these days, still does. One of those rare moments of parental satisfaction was granted to me a couple of years ago when my college-age son went to hear GSH at Coachella because he’d heard me play his music occasionally at home & he texted to thank me for steering him to that set.

    Because I don’t, honestly, insert EVERY reminiscence of my entire existence in these posts (hard to believe, no?) I won’t tell you all about the Anti-Inaugural event I went to at a DC club on the night of Reagan’s 2nd inauguration, at which Gil Scott-Heron was the headliner. But I can say that it was big fun and rather awe-inspiring. And probably only half because we were all young.

    [Anybody who reads here and is still under, say, 30 or 35? Just go out and do it, o.k? Whatever “it” is. Be safe, use common sense, but honestly it’s true: even if you DON’T acquire kids, mortgages & responsibilities to aging relatives as the years pass, the day will come when you CAN’T burn the candle at both ends anymore. You just can’t earn a living and go to most of the events and work for the causes and be there for your friends. Because you’re gonna need your rest just to hit a lick at two of the above.]

  6. Oh, and yeah, I’m still watching Fashion Star. If Project Runway is a sometimes deliciously satisfying pizza (and sometimes a re-heated, dry, cardboard-like frozen pizza), Fashion Star is popcorn. Attention-Deficit Disorder flavored popcorn at that. I don’t know how meaty a blog posting about it could be, but so far, like I said, I’m still remembering to tune in.

    I find the mentors surprisingly likable and I do like trying to figure out which store is going to bid on what.

    I confess to a strange fascination with the aerialist/dancer in the hoop above the runway this week. (why? why did THAT seem like the thing to do, exactly?) I was so fascinated that I was only mildly annoyed, not nearly as annoyed as I might have been, when 1/4 to 1/2 the time the model spent striding past that spot, the camera was on the aerialist, instead of giving us an extra few milliseconds look at the garments. It’s not as if they gave the clothes enough camera time that I really felt like it was near enough.

    (I do enjoy RPDR but I don’t get Logo & only about half the time see an entire episode , but I do enjoy the coverage you give the show. Just to make sure you know I appreciate!)

    • “I confess to a strange fascination with the aerialist/dancer in the hoop above the runway this week. (why? why did THAT seem like the thing to do, exactly?)”

      Okay, so it was a poor person’s version of Cirque du Soleil, but did I not call it the first week?!! 🙂

      It was such a weird directorial choice to keep cutting back to the act during the runway show. It was almost Hitchcockian in nature. I half expected the camera to move in to a close-up of her feet as she accidentally slipped off the perch and fell to the stage, as the models paraded around her unconscious body.

      I need serious help.

      • Ha. If you need serious help for your Hitchcockian scenario, I need a little as well, because the image made me laugh out loud.

        Wonder what they’d do with the soundtrack through it?

  7. Next week, we’ll get the Ru Paul guys on unicycles, juggling while the models dance down the runway in formation.

    Seriously, wouldn’t you haven loved to have been in the room when the pitched the concept for this show? It’s Project Runway, but with singing and dancing, and we’re going to have Circus performers…and its a game show where people are going to bid on stuff and compete…and and and we’ll get people who have been on reality TV shows in the past the audience will recognize but we’ll call them fashion experts or mentors or something that… like The Voice or American Idol and will have lots of flashing lights and glitzy stage floor like Dancing with the Stars…and and and the best part …we can sell Everything. The venders will pay for the whole thing and we won’t need writers or actors or any of those temperamental expensive divas.

    Or at least that’s how I envisioned it. But I’m still bitter they cancelled The West Wing, Firefly, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and a host of other great shows in order to bring us yet another exciting installment of the Plastic Bimbos of Superficiality.

    I guess what annoys me about this show is that I see so much potential there. It could be a really great show if they dialled back the Vegas about 75% and focused on the designers and the mentors and the actual process from assignment to runway and let us look at the clothes and see who the designer is that they are planning on investing 6 million dollars into their career. Right now, all the audience knows is that they are looking for a designer to design mall clothes. The simplest and easiest to manufacture at the lowest price point wins. The rest is just bread and circuses.

    • Honestly, that’s what I kinda like about the show. It doesn’t suffer the conceit of trying to be something that it’s not. It’s the televised embodiment of a big, glossy, clothing catalog put out by three stores, where the only intent is to sell clothes.

      My only real issue with the format is that the producers seem to think that the target audience needs multiple stimuli in order to stay tuned in. I wish they would stick with their regular segment structure for showcasing the designers (show them in the fashion house working on clothing, talking to the mentors; runway critiques and bids), and cut out a little of the spectacle. Give all of the designers the same amount of air time. ESPECIALLY when the designer with the highest bids of the night gets thrown into that truncated montage segment. I don’t get the logic behind that.

      • Had trouble sleeping sleeping last night so I did a little poking around and found some interesting info on FS. Huffington Post had a lot of the same questions that people here on the blog did and they tried to pin down the producers and “My, oh my, were their answers shady.”

        When asked to clarify the weekly “buy” order, they declined but when pressed said the designer got a percentage. Likewise, the final prize is 6 million in orders that the winning designer will receive a percentage of, as well. The final collection(s) will be available in all 3 participating outlets which may also be difficult to reach a concensus since they have widely varying price points. H&M is selling between 19.95 – 29.95. Macy’s 59.00 – 110.00. Saks 225.00 – 350.00. The obviously have different customer bases, how are they going to pick 1 winner? A designer appealing week after week to the H & M buyer may never have made a sale or even gotten a bid from the Sak’s daddy.

        I think they may be over inflating the cash they are shelling out to the designers but they are getting national exposure and advise by people who have run successful fashion lines. If those buyers are the real deal from their representative corporations that is also a valuable resource most people starting out in the fashion industry would not have access to.

        I don’t think this show is going to have the same success as Project Runway, but it is mildly entertaining. I figure by the finale, They’ll be shooting Elle out of a cannon while a chorus line tap dances to “Coming to America”.

    • I’d say there’s something to be said for the Ru Paul Pit Crew on unicycles.

      To me the whole thing has the air of those idealized t.v. versions of the suburban backyard circuses that kids were once encouraged to stage as fundraisers for March of Dimes or Muscular Dystrophy or something. (That was a real thing, right? I’m not just imagining them?). Much more expensive production values, of course, but the same air of a cobbled-together slightly ersatz version of the real thing – but still fun if you could suspend your disbelief and get in the spirit.

      What I’m waiting for is the episode where Elle gets to turn placards to display prize values or something – completing her correspondence to Vanna White. Though shooting her out of a cannon might be almost as good.

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