Sorry I’ve been MIA for a couple of days. I’ve been CRAZY busy and…
That’s donkey doodie.
I mean, I HAVE been crazy busy. But that’s not the reason I’ve been MIA. I’ve been in something akin to an emotional twister.
My Ex came back into my life.
No, not the one I was talking about before. This one is the REAL DEAL EX–you know the one I’m talking about: the forever one. The one that you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with. The one whom you woke up next to one morning; saw the sunlight streaming across his exquisitely beautiful mocha brown face; and cried the first ever tears of joy because you knew you could die now. Like Faust, you knew that no moment would be better than this.
Long, LONG story. Suffice it to say it brought back ,many moments of heaven and hell. It left me sobbing in my bedroom, and laughing hysterically on my balcony. It left me wanting to drown my sorrows in a case of MGD and a fifth of Jack, and reminding myself that at the Queen’s age–all it would do is knock me out and leave me useless the next day.
So, being too broke to call my therapist, I decided to lean on my tried and true methods of working through the emotion.
Step 1: Vent
one thing i don’t need
is any more apologies
i got sorry greetin me at my front door
you can keep yrs
i don’t know what to do wit em
they dont open doors
or bring the sun back
they dont make me happy
or get a mornin paper
didnt nobody stop usin my tears to wash cars
cuz a sorry
i am simply tired
i didnt know
i was so important toyou
i’m gonna haveta throw some away
i cant get to the clothes in my closet
for alla the sorries
i’m gonna tack a sign to my door
leave a message by the phone
‘if you called
to say yr sorry
i dont use em anymore’
i let sorry/ didnt meanta/ & how cd i know abt that
take a walk down a dark & musty street in brooklyn
i’m gonna do exactly what i want to
& i wont be sorry for none of it
letta sorry soothe yr soul/ i’m gonna soothe mine
you were always inconsistent
doin somethin & then bein sorry
beatin my heart to death
talkin bout you sorry
i will not call
i’m not goin to be nice
i will raise my voice
& scream & holler
& break things & race the engine
& tell all yr secrets bout yrself to yr face
& i will list in detail everyone of my wonderful lovers
& their ways
i will play oliver lake
& i wont be sorry for none of it
i loved you on purpose
i was open on purpose
i still crave vulnerability & close talk
& i’m not even sorry bout you bein sorry
you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna
just dont give it to me
i cant use another sorry
you should admit
you’re mean/ low-down/ triflin/ & no count straight out
steada bein sorry alla the time
enjoy bein yrself
Step 2: Food
Individual Chocolate Melting Cakes
when you’re not using it to drown sorrows| Hands-On Time: 15m | Total Time: 35m
10 ounces semisweet or bittersweet chocolate, chopped
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
1/2 cup sugar
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
coffee ice cream
Heat oven to 325° F. Lightly coat a 12-cup muffin tin with vegetable cooking spray.
Melt the chocolate and butter in a large bowl over a saucepan of simmering water. Remove from heat.
In another large bowl, beat the eggs and sugar at medium-high speed until light and fluffy. Add the flour, baking powder, salt, and melted chocolate. Mix with a spoon until well blended.
Divide the batter evenly into 8 muffin tins and bake until the cakes have just cooked through, about 15 minutes.
The cakes will still look a bit moist on top. Remove from the oven and let cool 5 minutes. Serve warm with the caramel sauce and ice cream.
Step 3: Distraction
This recently bestowed officer of the Order of Arts and Letters in France, talked with Interview Magazine. The Queen mostly drooled at the pictures–but it’s also a decent article, imho. It doesn’t hurt that he’s only slightly younger than I. The fact that this man will be receiving his AARP invitation in the mail in three years, might make me skip the last couple of bites of chocolate cake…
Not a chance.
Step 4: Hope
In the midst of my machinations, I was reading about the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and his lovely wife’s visit to the White House. Once again there was a picture of the Commander In Chief looking at his wife as if no one else were around.
No matter what your politics are, or how much you may be frustrated with some of his policies, you have to admit one thing: this is a man in love. The possibility of looking into someone’s eyes once again and see THAT, gives me the courage to go once more unto the breach.
That…and an individual chocolate cake.
Miss Things, what’s your process for “getting over” something, or someone?