FBQ Musings: If the Republican Presidential Candidates Were Gay

With the primaries and caucuses in full tilt today, and the candidates swinging their “conservative values” around like phallic symbols, it got the Queen to wondering…

What if the magical Gay Fairy (she exists, you know) appeared, touched each of the current Republican candidates on the wee wee, and made them gay? With their personality traits still intact–what kind of homosexuals would they be? Let’s start with:

Newt Gingrich

No question: Daddybear. With his hefty physique and grey locks, the former Speaker of the House would physically rock that lifestyle. With his need to be large and in charge, this portly papa would ride into rallies with his current partner on the back of his Iron 883 Harley, and work Gay Pride events like nobody’s business. And with his proclivity for changing partners, he would be much more at home and accepted in the gay community. Also with his rough and ready style of debating, this silver bear would really appeal to that dominant segment of the population. No doubt he would easily get backing from a cigar industry Super Pac (the Queen says with full innuendo intact), and could woo his sister Candace back from Obama.

And of course, with all of his experience as Speaker of the House, he would be great at any oral activities that might come up…

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4 thoughts on “FBQ Musings: If the Republican Presidential Candidates Were Gay

  1. I started grinning during the intro – and then was totally distracted by how much better looking Newt is with is ‘daddybear’ hair & beard.

    If this continues, I may need to seek therapy for the psychological cognitive dissonance . . .

  2. Well as a woman all I can say is” honey, he’s all yours” because trust be I wouldn’t touch him if I was promised the keys to Valhalla. I have no understanding how anyone’s memory is so short.The only reason that man is not in jail is because he promised to never run for office again when he was forced to resign from Congress. Yes, I know about the loophole but why would anyone let this man run for dogcatcher let alone President?

    I can’t wait till you get to Dicky. We’re all going to to have to buy adjoining plots in Hell. Maybe something with a nice view of the lakes of fire.

  3. LOL, that’s quite a makeover. The beard is perfect to elongate that round face of his, and, yeah, that floppy hair had to go. It’s such a better look than that chubby, obnoxious, overgrown prep school boy look he’s been working. If he ever needs to go on the lam, he’s got the perfect new look.

    And Gay Fairy knows he SHOULD be on the lam by now. At best.

    Speaking of Gay Fairy, will she be able to get past Mitt’s Mormon underwear? (Maybe that’s what it’s all about, after all!)

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