In talking with many of his female friends, the Queen has discovered an over-arching theme: a lot of y’all have a hard time figuring out men.
Welcome to the club, child.
But there ARE traits that seem to be inherent in most men, straight or gay, which might help you understand your significant other a little better. As a public service to you lovely people, I’d like to implement a feature I will entitle: “Understanding Your Man.” From time to time this FBQ will offer insight into that mysterious World of Men from a middle age black homo point of view. I may be a queen…but I am a Manly One.
Let’s start with an easy one. Let’s break into a Bastion of Dudedom: The Public Restroom.
You shudder. But there is no better place to demonstrate my attestation than this. As far as I know, there is no formal training in the etiquette of using a Gentlemen’s Public Lavatory. We just know. It seems to be in the DNA of the American Male. No matter the ethnicity or orientation. There is a certain logic which is key to the way your man thinks. Try it and see. Get out a sheet of paper, and take my little test with your man. See how many of your answers correspond with his. The closer you agree, the less you all are likely to argue, because you get how he thinks. You can thank me later.
The answers can be found at the end of the test. No peeking, you two.
1.You enter the restroom, and the first urinal is in use. Which of the other urinals do you choose?
2. You enter the restroom, and Urinal #5 is in use, which one do you use?
3. Getting harder. This time when you enter, Urinal #3 is occupied. Which one(s) do you use? Pick all urinals that are acceptable.
4. This time when you enter the public John, Urinals #1&3 are occupied. Which of the remaining do you use to siphon the python?
5. Last one. Urinals #1, 3, and 5 are in use. Which one do you choose?
1. Urinal #5
The rule of thumb is: “Stay as far away from the other guy as possible.”
2. Urinal #1
Any urinal besides #1 in an otherwise empty bank, says “Hi! Wanna get to know each other better?”
3. Urinals #1 or #5 are acceptable.
#2 or #4? Congressman Craig? Is that you?
4. Urinal #5
As a young gay boy in training, I used to chant this rhyme: “Farthest Away? That’s Okay!” Yes, people looked at me funny even then.
Either wash your hands until one of the other urinals opens up, or use a stall.