I have to confess something: the Queen wasn’t really very excited about blogging Drag Race. It was Bianca who convinced me to commit to it. And it was you Miss Things who made it one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
I know that sounds very dramatic. But I am, after all, a sometimes flamboyant homosexual male.
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After the first season, I was afraid RuPaul was never going to get it right again. Until now.
Well, we’re at the point in the race where there aren’t enough queens to have any real drama. So we’re down to extra long product placements; transparently manufactured conflicts and faggy filler. And even with all of that, the producers have still managed to create some of the most compelling challenges yet, imho. I still think this is one of my favorite seasons thus far, but I’m definitely feeling the sag. You know you’re in trouble when even the villain of the series is tepid at this point. We need someone new to hate.
Be careful what you wish for, huh?
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Well if that don’t beat all?
There’s a reason that many queens revere vocal divas like Judy, Patti, Bette and Whitney. And why we are drawn to movies like The Women and All About Eve: they deliver High Drama. They have us throwing our hands in the air when we hear them sing, or dabbing our eyes with Kleenex and gay gasping on every other line when we watch them in the dark, while curled up on the couch with a Diet Coke and bag of Orville Redenbacher.
What will our FBQ say?! Read On to find out!
Thanks to the Miss Things in the Comments Section for practically writing this post for me. Their astute observations are right on the money. So, of course, I’ll be stealing liberally from them.
“Put It Out There On The Runway Every Single Time”–Willam
So this episode started with the dolls throwing Jiggly under the rudder. Although the Queen doesn’t know if you can call it that. Usually “throwing under the bus” is a conscious form of sabotage. I don’t know if you can consider it sabotage if the queens are really just giving their opinion. And especially when the opinion was glaringly obvious. The float was the worst one on the stage.And Jiggly, once more, was unable to look at herself objectively and maturely.
Willam to the rescue. “You have to give the whole show every time. You don’t save any tricks for later.” For the Queen, the blatant immaturity of dolls like Jiggly and Phi Phi shows itself in their inability to hear sage advice. Willam is constantly giving tips for which he could charge money. But these girls just don’t get it.
“Milan just doesn’t have a sense of who she is as a drag queen.”–occasionalblonde
Another piece of constructive criticism Willam put out was for Miss Milan, who like the aforementioned immature lady boys was not able to see the writing on the wall. She just doesn’t get it. As occasionalblonde goes on to say in one of her posts: “To use an grossly overused quotation ‘there’s no there there’.” Milan just doesn’t get the fact that the people she admires are innovators. She is not. And doing poor imitations of them only highlights their talent and her lack thereof. DON’T compare yourself to Kevin, dear. The only thing you have in common with Kevin is your penis.
“Dida Is A Girly Girl”–Dida Ritz
As the queen has said previously, he thinks this doll has potential. She has grown tremendously and continues to transform her look. Now she needs to work on that attitude. Dida, girly girls don’t win RuPaul’s Drag Race. They might get more dollars at Tea Dances, but they don’t win this competition. There are lots of pretty drag queens out there. But there are NOT a lot who are the total package of Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent. AND who are Somebodies who are about Something and Prance. And they pay attention to the detail of their drag. God bless Willam for his snarky, and accurate comments.
One Girl, Eight Queens
There have been a number of good judges on Drag Race, some are good because they know drag queens, some are good because they know the world of entertainment. Rarely do you get celebrity judges who know both. This little bullet-crowned Diva had it all. What a treat it was to have her interface with the lady boys. I’d like to say that I wish they would do this segment every week, but it takes a moderator who gets those two things in order to make it work.
Let’s talk about her visit…
In the next post.
I’m such a dramatic bitch.
This post is NSFW
I don’t know where it’s coming from. Maybe RuPaul had this in his five year plan all along. Maybe he had an epiphany between the last season and this one. Ultimately it’s not important. What is important is that this show has gone from being a guilty pleasure to a must-see, entertaining deconstruction of what it means for some of us to be gay, and the Art of Drag.
So the mini-challenge is to don breastplates and participate in a Wet T-shirt contest at Dragtona Beach.
If they keep showing the Pit Crew and hunky young eye-candy to whoop and cheer, then EVERY week should include a Wet T-shirt contest at Dragtona Beach. As John Polly and Jon Mallow bring up in their weekly recap Drag Ya’ Later with Jon & John: the show is going all out on these sets and extras; and my eyes–and a few other parts of my body–are very grateful for it.
The Queen is SO confused by Standards and Practices. 
I’m not sure why you can show a breast plate with nipples laying on a table, and a person trying them on in one scene; and have to blur the same device in another.
Anyway when all is said and done, Willam out-titillates the rest of the lady boys (to the further chagrin of Miss O’Hara) and does what he said he was going to do. I know one of the things that turn folks off about this Diva is his blazing confidence. I think it’s one of the things that makes him so interesting to watch. I could see if he didn’t bring it, but he does. It is SO much easier for me to deal with a cocky bitch who has the goods to back it up, than someone who thinks they’ve got it together and have no clue *cough*Milan*cough*.Ah, well. Too bad George Carlin isn’t around to explain it to me. 
The Queen was truly moved by the incorporation of Stonewall into the episode. Bianca commented that this was the kind of gay TV that he could support. This is what he expected from RuPaul, as someone who has broken stereotypes about drag.
The TRUE Fierce Black Queen: Marsha P. Johnson 1944-1992
What a brilliant and pleasurable experience to watch Chad, Sharon and Willam school these guys on their history. What a forum to have for the young people of this generation! Especially when we are seeing one of the most significant rises of HIV in young men of color between 13 and 29. Young gay men have no real role models to guide them these days (if anyone had told me at 21 that those words would EVER come out of my mouth, I would have bitch-slapped them). Without history, we are condemned to repeat the mistakes of the past. I want so much more for the beautiful young men I see every day.
So it’s Condragulations to Willam.
The Queen has to admit that the challenge was a Drag Race version of Project Runway’s “Make A Pretty Dress” with a twist. A twist that Bianca and I believe made it quite difficult for the queens to produce something with any kind of finesse (more about that in the next post). But it was fun to see him be recognized for his effort. Bianca will correct me if I’m wrong (BOY will Bianca correct me if I’m wrong), but we believe there was a difference between Willam and Milan’s float and statement. A difference that highlights the meticulousness and confidence with which he plays this game. Bravo.
And it’s Sashay Away for Milan.
Proving once again, that there is a God.
I wish him no ill will. And I actually think that he could have a pretty strong media career (possibly as a newscaster–he’s quite articulate, and has a certain ease with the camera when he’s not trying to play a character)…just not as an actor. Please. Anything but as an actor.
Thoughts? Opinions? Musings of Fierce Miss Things?
Just between us goils.
Let’s break down this whole Snatch Game thing and see what it’s all about, shall we?
Scurvy!
Pandora Boxx’s Carol Channing was the Gold Standard. Tatianna was good–very good. But any Drag Queen that plans on being in future seasons needs to use Pandora’s performance as a textbook example of the genre. What a blast it would be to have her–along with other stand-outs from the present, and previous seasons–be a part of a “Fantasy Snatch Game.”
The Queen’s Drag Race Fantasy Snatch Game Cast:
Pandora Boxx
Chad Michaels
Sharon Needles
Willam
Tatianna
Stacy Layne Matthews
Jujubee
Manila Luzon
You know what bothers me about that list? There’s only one FBQ on it. The black lady boys always seem to have a problem with this challenge. As your Self-Proclaimed Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent Coach, let me give you future Drag Race sistahs a few tips:
If you want to get on the show, you should be practicing these things at home at this very moment. If not, you will probably end up in a run down of the also-rans. Like this one:
Jiggly Caliente
This queen could do SO much better in this competition if she would simply separate herself from some of the more lackluster dolls *cough*Phi Phi O’Hara*cough*, and hang with the REAL drag queens in the race. Latrice could help her get a much more feminine big girl shape, and Sharon and Chad could teach her how to define her overall personae. Instead, she probably does what she does in the NYC drag scene: chooses to hang with the girls she sees as “popular.” So her runway looks always blend into generic pretty. I’ve never condemned myself to the Ninth Circle of Hell and watched Jersey Shore, but I have seen Snookie in interviews. It seemed as if she got the look right, but she didn’t use the Queen’s rule about finding identifiable characteristics and interesting Snookie-like answers. Bottom line is that girl has GOT to grow up before she’s ready for this competition.
Milan
I have nothing to say. This is a competition for Drag Queens–not second string Chorus Boys. Milan, read my tips above and get the hell off my TV screen.
Willam
Beeotch was brilliant. From the name card, to the cardboard cutout of Simpson in the out takes, he was the embodiment of the Queen’s tips. Maybe Willam will weigh in (if he can), but the cutout proves that the contestants are given a head’s up of the kind of drag they’ll need to bring. Which means that they have time to prepare a character. Which means these other girls had no excuse for the dreck they brought to the table. I’ll give you that Willam is an actor–and funny as hell–but that still doesn’t explain some of the other lady boys’ choices. His runway look was SICKENING.
Phi Phi O’Hara
“Well, I do Gaga a lot. And I’ve been hired all over the United States to impersonate her.”
*Sigh*
Okay Phi Phi…let me break this down for you. Assuming you’re telling the truth, and the gigs are not your niece’s and nephew’s birthday parties, chances are that you are simply lip syncing to Born This Way. That isn’t the same as doing a true impersonation. Loving the way she performs, and being able to parody it are two separate things. We won’t even talk about your tired runway and fucked up eye makeup. Get your head out of your ass. It smells terrible up there.
*claws retract*
Dida Ritz
She really does make a very striking girl when she gets the drag right. The outside is finally beginning to match the inside. I really think with the right guidance (and a few spelling lessons) this diva could be the real deal. The Queen thinks she was on the right track with her impersonation, and even handled the shenanigans going on around her quite well (“This is worse than when I had Omarosa on my show!”). She was also smart enough to pick a great celebrity, since Wendy Williams IS a drag queen. All she needed were a couple more catch-phrases and mannerisms, and she would have been even more fun to watch.
Sharon Needles
There really are no words. Everything Milan isn’t, Ms. Needles is. She is the real deal. An artist who is “about something.” She knows what she wants to say and is meticulous in her creation of a fully realized character. I know that there are constant comparisons to Raja, but my understanding of Raja’s drag is that it’s more about gender-fuck than true runway. Sharon is always female. And it freaks Bianca and I out that even in the shock drag–she still looks glamorous!
Latrice Royale
I have to admit: this episode soured me a bit on our Mascara’d Matron. Maybe the bitch was just hungry and didn’t have time to eat, so she decided to incorporate her lunch into the character. She could have had so much fun with the Queen of Soul, but instead she turned out a one dimensional character that resembled Ms. Franklin about as much as Kenya’s Beyonce or Milan’s Diana Ross. Right now all Latrice has going for her is being a glamorous diva on the runway (…and her runway drag looked more like Aretha than her Snatch Game drag), and a wonderful personality and grounding force offstage. Without someone like Max Mutchnick telling her what to do, she really doesn’t seem to have much of an imagination of her own. And I hope she realizes that giving up and letting someone else’s performance have such a profound effect on you, that you let your frustration show onstage, is about as unprofessional as it gets. Step it up girl. Prove me wrong (because I know my opinion matters so much to you).
Who would be in your Fantasy Snatch Game cast?
Let’s check up on the ladies in the Interior Illusions Lounge and find out what the men in mascara are up to, in what RuPaul hails as: “The most emotional ‘Untucked‘…EVER“
Bitch is so fierce, she can cry with product placement
So the safe girls once again got to leave the stage. Miss Ru MUST be reading my posts, since she let the girls have it before they left. I am really loving RuPaul this season. She really does have that FBQ quotient back in SPADES.
Three Girls and a Cocktail
Anyway, Jiggly attempted an apology. Maybe it’s a little of the 30 year old coming through at last. However Latrice was not really having it. Although I’ve got to agree with commentary that I’ve read on other sites: it really is a little hypocritical of Ms. Royale to be so up in arms about the girls being unprofessional.
Queen of Soul, or Queen of Sour?
From the Aretha impersonation to her behavior at the end of Snatch Game, she didn’t win any points for professionalism either. Speaking in the lounge Ms. Latrice said of Ru’s pronouncement about being safe: “For him it may not be cute, but it was music to my ears.” Well honey, with all due respect, if you want a shot at winning this thing then you better start paying attention to what is “cute” to the Supermodel of the World.
It really is wonderful to watch the younger queens like Jiggly pay such respect to the older divas like Latrice. That is one thing that I’ve noticed in the drag community–there really is a respect for the grande dames. It’s a faux matriarchal society that I wish were translated into the rest of the male gay culture. What a contradiction: older gay males are often made fun of; but old drag divas are often revered.
Entirely off-topic…and forgive me for being so slow, but the Queen has been wondering what was up with Latrice holding a pillow in front of her during the majority of Untucked episodes so far. 
I just figured out that Miss Thang strips out of her outfit the minute they get into the lounge. Now THAT is a Black Southern Woman for you: as soon as she gets home from church–off go the pumps and dress. Gotta love that. I just wonder how much time it takes for her to get back into it once she has to go back onstage?
Waxing on Willam
The conversation turned to Willam. Quoting Dida: “She (Willam) may be a bitch, but that bitch is sickening and smart.” Latrice: “…she may be the bitch and troublemaker, but that ho knows how to turn it out.” And of course the conversation had to turn to Willam’s shoe wardrobe.
It was nice to hear that some of the queens get Willam. Maybe Phi Phi does too, and she’s playing a brilliant game as well. I don’t think so though. I don’t think she gets the thought that goes behind such an elaborate strategy–the Hoffman and Day Lewis-like commitment to staying in character. It may not make you popular, but it sure will keep you in the game.
Classy Ladies
The entire segment in which the three safe girls sang the praises of the top three was fabulous. What a pleasure to hear colleagues mention positive things that their competition did during a challenge! Something in me dies when I see queens perpetuating stereotypes of the bitter bitch. Of course we can be bitter, of course our picture is in the dictionary under “bitchy.” But it’s very nice to see Drag Race working hard to show how supportive gay men can be as well.
The Girls Do Chekhov
And so, while the other lady boys are playing Charades in the Gold Lounge, the top and bottom (minds out of the gutter Miss Things) girls alternate between delusion and support.
I really want to be supportive of this child, but he makes it SO difficult. As someone who calls themselves an actor, he really doesn’t know how to “take the note.” His observational skills are abysmal. We’ll talk more about him in the rundown with the other girls. But watching him defend his actions in the lounge just made me sad. He’s getting all of this objective feedback, and he’s brushing it aside. As a director, I find it the hardest thing to work with actors who have blinders on regarding their abilities or where they are in their lives (See The Three Sisters).
Bianca and I were talking about one of Sharon’s Achilles heels in this competition: her inability to self-regulate. She’s mentioned it herself a time or two, but it really reared it’s Botoxed head on this episode. Unlike Phi Phi, we don’t think Ms. Needles says things with malice, but sometimes they come off pretty harsh. Watching Kenya react to Sharon’s words (assuming they were in sequence) was heartbreaking. As I said in my first post on this episode, it became abundantly clear that Kenya had been wrestling with this cultural divide all along. I’m sure that this was just the straw that broke the proverbial gay camel’s back.
But once again it gave us an opportunity to watch the girls support each other. 
I get that a large percentage of Reality Show viewers want to see contestants go for the throat. It’s just nice to see that RPDR has been listening to their fans and cutting down on the snark (are you listening Bunim/Murray?). It actually brings tears to my eyes to see and hear the divas speak well of their fellow lady boys. Just another thing that makes Sharon fierce.
Oh. And Phi Phi cried too.
Thoughts Miss Things?
When you were a kid, did you ever have a candy or other confection that you absolutely loved? Did you ever try the same sweet years later as an adult, and discover that it just didn’t taste the same now, as it did then?
Then you know how I’m beginning to feel about the Snatch Game Challenge.
Granted, there were still some stellar performances–but on the whole, most of the queens just don’t understand the challenge, or have the acting/comic chops to make their impersonations consistently interesting. 
In Season II, there were enough queens who were multi-faceted, old school stage performers. They had acts that consisted of more than just moving their mouths in time with the music, and it showed in their ability to be in the moment and quick-witted with their answers and characteristics (the Queen will go to his grave thinking Pandora was robbed). Like the show that this challenge pays homage to, there needs to be a self-aware cheesy kind of camp to make it work. Season three–and now this one–failed to deliver on the promise of the first fabulous parody.
So the drama continues between Sharon Needles and Phi Phi O’Hara. Yours Truly is so over Phi Phi the pageant queen–who is delusional enough to think that winning a few mini-challenges makes her the shit. Yes Miss O’Hara, I’m sure America’s Next Drag Superstar is going to be asked to hold an egg between her legs every day of her reign. I have always held the belief that if you’re going to be a pompous bitch–at least have the goods to back up your pomposity. She does not. Has she even been in the top three yet?
So it’s Condragulations to Chad Michaels.
Was there ever any question? I mean Ross the Intern had a great point about the risk of bombing at something that you’re known for, but all edited clips aside, she really is a professional. Her disciplined approach to the challenge is textbook flawless. But more important than the uncanny resemblance to her Goddess…she was ENTERTAINING. Funny and tongue-in-cheek satirical, she’s the kind of performer that you would actually pay to see. And other than having cosmetic surgeons (oh, and Miss Dida? THAT’S the way you spell “surgeon”) on speed dial, she seems charmingly genuine. Sharon Needles was brilliant, and Willam was wonderful (more of them and the rest of the divas in the next couple of posts), but Chad had me with “I’m Cher bitch!”
And it’s Sashay to Kenya Michaels.
Pushing the miniature Mean Girl stuff aside, she really is a little spitfire. And in her own country and culture I think she could have easily been a contender for the win. However I’m even more convinced than ever that the present version of RPDR is an American phenomenon. Like many of us Fierce Black Queens, RuPaul is heavily influenced by Pop Culture. Not having similar references makes shining in the present format almost impossible. Separated by youth and language/culture, I’d bet my next paycheck that Kenya didn’t have a clue to the shows Ru rattled off in the mini-challenge video this week. Her admitting that the language barrier had her dreading each day’s taping was poignant and revealing. The Queen just wishes that she had asked for more help, instead of letting her pride get in the way and creating that horrific version of Beyonce.
But this little Latin lovely isn’t done with America yet. I’m pretty sure we’ll see her taking Yara Sofia’s place in next year’s Absolut commercials.
Okay, are you ready to bash my face in for the shade I pay Phi Phi O’Hara, or love I give to Willam and Sharon Needles? Let the Queen have it!
