I have to confess something: the Queen wasn’t really very excited about blogging Drag Race. It was Bianca who convinced me to commit to it. And it was you Miss Things who made it one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
I know that sounds very dramatic. But I am, after all, a sometimes flamboyant homosexual male.
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The reason I’m being so hard on you Ru, is because you are THE Dynamic Diva in Drag. Not only have you changed the face of Female Impersonation, but you’ve done so in an entertaining and artistic fashion. You are a consummate professional. The drivel you put out last night was—at best—amateurish, and—at worst—insulting to the intelligence of your viewers. Let’s continue, shall we?
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Need proof that the wrestling ring set and extras, and Dragtona Beach set and extras busted the Drag Race budget? May this FBQ introduce you to: The Clip Show.
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All right, before tonight’s episode, let’s remind ourselves why the other lady boys should have never gone to press…
You know what? The Queen is actually tired of talking about this episode. The dolls didn’t listen. So instead–let’s just give the future Drag Race contestants some ideas for NEXT season.
Click to see the Queen’s version of the cover girls
So once again the Safe Girls find themselves in a place with an unlimited supply of liquor, hot lights, and nothing to do but gossip about each other. Sounds like my living room on a Friday night.
Let’s trash them discuss what happened.
Jailhouse Blues
So all the queens congratulate Ms. Latrice, and the first person to point out how much the judges and the other contestants appreciated her work was Willam. 
I wish all of the Willam haters would take a moment to see exchanges like that (“You was Bernie Mack in a dress–you was just fine”). He is often one of the first with an encouraging word for the other queens…at least the ones who deserve it. 
And Latrice feels slightly vindicated after the 18 months she spent in prison. The Queen used to work with inmates at the now defunct Lorton Reformatory in Lorton, Virginia. Once a month I would spend 8 hours with the residents in the Medium Security section of the facility. The men were phenomenal. Being in jail was hell. It was hard enough for me to be locked up for one day. I can’t imagine what kind of strength it took to survive for a year and a half. The lady boys also talk about the difference between Latrice’s drag and Madame LaQueer’s–something Bianca has mentioned as well. Bianca pointed out to me that even though Latrice is a big girl, she still pads and cinches to give herself a more feminine shape.
. That seems to go along with a mindset that Latrice has mentioned a few times. She is quite aware that they are all really men dressing up as women. Unlike, say, Carmen Carrera or Phi Phi who seem to conveniently forget that they have a penis. I don’t care how much you tuck or serve “realness”. the Wankie is still there. I love that Latrice sees Drag as an Art, and not as a way of working through (or NOT working through) whatever issues you have with being a male.
Sitcom Realness
S
o Jiggly is relieved that the team won. She was extremely worried that her performance put her at risk. Actually, she has a natural talent for comedy, and an ease with the camera that was quite engaging and appropriate. This brings up a point that bothered me about the taping of the sitcom in general, and Max Mutchnick in particular. 
I don’t know if RuPaul asked him to play the role of Bad Director, or if that particular job is not a strong suit of his. A good director, however, doesn’t tell you how to read a line–as he did with a few of the queens. A good director knows what to say to help an actor find the interpretation and the inflections that he would like them to have. While I was extremely disappointed with the way Willam and Sharon Needles responded to Mutchnick on the set (which I’ll get to in my next post), I was also put off by the way he managed the shoot. Kenya Michaels was an unintentional hoot–with Bianca pointing out that she wore more makeup to play a butch woman, than she does on the runway as a femme queen. 
Her inability to take the director’s notes further illuminates two things: she is in her own world, and the language barrier is the Big, Gay Spanish Pink Elephant in the room. There is only so much nodding and pretending you understand that you can do before it bites you in your pretty little girly ass.
Shameless Outlet Store Plug
So the Phi Phi/Sharon feud comes to a head, and a new catch-phrase is born. The Queen thinks there is enough blame to go around for this particular interaction. However, the thing about Phi Phi that eludes me is her inability to either see and/or accept that Sharon is much more than a one-dimensional performer (“Go back and do your only one look that you got!”) who is running circles around her. IMHO, that description fits Phi Phi MUCH more completely than Ms. Needles. Is it jealousy or stupidity? Sharon’s runway look: “Don’t come for me when you’re going to wear a glittered plastic Elvis wig onstage!” Did I miss something? DID THE BITCH NOT WIN THE CHALLENGE WITH THAT GLITTERED PLASTIC WIG??!! Granted, Phi Phi didn’t know that at the time, but I doubt seriously that it would have made a difference.
I swear that Latrice and I both said “You don’t play bitch–you just are one.” at the same time. 
The Queen loved Ms. Royale’s definition. And in most cases, when it comes to actual women, I think it is absolutely appropriate. This country still doesn’t know what to do with strong, independent women(see government panel on Contraception). However in terms of Ms. O’Hara, I think I have a better acronym:
What a jam-packed 21 minutes! From catch-phrases, to coming-out stories, to tucking. Honestly, this after-show is becoming as much fun as the race itself.
What about y’all? What did you think about the episode?
Before we get started trashing thoughtfully critiquing the bitches, the Queen wanted to bring up an observation that Bianca and I have made over the past three episodes of this season, during our weekly RuPaul Skyping sessions.
This damn show has actually gotten better.
I haven’t bothered had the time to check and see whether it employs the same producers and directors as in past seasons; but the show has become the very thing I hoped it would be when I first started tuning in. It has become a true window into a world that most never see–and many incorrectly characterize. It has found a balance between campy and compassion, bitchy and benevolent. Bianca swears Ru was sick during most of last season, and I definitely noticed a difference in his demeanor. He seemed disconnected somehow from the proceedings. However this season the Cover Girl of the World is back. He is engaged, funny and a true mentor.
This bitch had the best seat in the house
The mini-challenge was phenomenal. Not only was meeting Piyah Martell a poignant and powerful moment, but the accompanying competition made so much sense. I did find myself screaming at the television because none of those wenches asked Piyah–the CLIENT–what her favorite colors were, or what kind of designs she might like. But it’s segments like these which highlight the diversity and strength of the LBGTQ community, and make me proud to call myself a raging queen.
However, for the Queen, the main challenge fell flat.
In addition to the camp crassness of whoring RuPaul products (but if Barbara Walters can do it with her book Audition on The View, why shouldn’t he?), the performances on the whole felt forced and not at all fun or funny.
We’ll get the individual performances in the next post, but for the Queen, the challenge was pretty much a let-down.
So once again, it is Condragulations to Sharon Needles
Raja: I know you’re reading my blog–all the fierce divas do. Pay attention to Ms. Needles, will you dear? THIS is how you do Alternative Drag. Not to take away from you–you have an artistry that is truly unique. But I never felt like you put your SOUL into your schtick like Sharon does. She’s fierce not just because she is impeccable in her costuming and makeup (although I see Santino’s point about the bottom half of her runway look), but she infuses passion and energy into everything she does. She is Somebody. She is About something. And she Prances. Bra-fucking-vo.
And it’s The Princess who Sashays away.
Seems like a very sweet person. And I admire his ability to stay calm in a storm. But honey, this was not the competition for him. His inability to step back and look at himself objectively in the context of the needs of the game cost him dearly. I see elegance, glamour and talent in his drag and his LSFYL. But Dida Ritz mopped him across the floor, wrung him out, and mopped up the floor again (more on that in the next DR post). If he hasn’t found one yet, I hope he finds a boyfriend who has that “Meth-look” and whom appreciates his quiet dignity. But it was time for The Princess to abdicate.
The Queen’s good friend (whom for the purposes of our discussions, I shall refer to by his former Drag Name, Bianca) and I did something we haven’t done in decades: talked on the telephone until the wee hours of the morning. We kee kee’d about RuPaul’s Drag Race till we ran out of biting, bitchy things to say. It was wonderful.
Throughout our four-hour-plus conversation (I will get NO WORK done today), a running theme emerged. To use Bianca’s own words:
“I can create from nothing. That is what a good Drag(Queen)does. Create your world and make that fierce–and by doing so, inspire others to create from nothing. How powerful the world would be if more people created than tried to steal or cheat…”
She’s such a fierce, cerebral bitch.
Or, as he broke it down later, a Drag Queen’s job is to: Be somebody. Be about something. Then Prance. So that’s how I’m evaluating the show in general, and the contestants in particular. Who emerges as a “somebody” who was about “something”, and who knows how to prance?
Before we get started, I have to say something about Shangela Laquifa Wadley.
Either D.J. has some serious dirt on RuPaul Charles, or boyfriend gives the best fellatio in Hollywood. That bitch was featured in almost as many segments as the Supermodel himself–INCLUDING the Absolut commercial! Don’t get me wrong, Ms. Wadley is talented. But I think the producers highly over-estimate the child’s audience appeal. She doesn’t have the love/hate factor of a Raven; or the America’s Sweetheart quotient of a Manila. But honey, if she can continue to capitalize on this fifteen minutes and strengthen her Brand, then–say it with me–HALLEIGH-LOO!
Okay. Now.
The Queen loves that even in Season 4, the show is staying true to it’s over the top, campy aesthetic. The production values and choice of challenges and segments remains true to their Drag core. I thought the schtick with Shangela was cute, and the Romero-esque style in which they shot the main challenge free-for-all was pretty inspired. I just hope they don’t go crazy with that stuff. Like Project Runway, I think RPDR works better if you stick close to the original game purpose and objectives. Give us the kinds of challenges dolls in Drag would actually face and let us watch the creativity and sparks that fly. But I had fun with it.
I’ll get into my take on all these divas in later posts this week, but first let’s say ConDragulations to Sharon Needles for her Runway Win. No surprise to me here. She has introduced herself as a somebody, who has something to say and knows how to Prance. Not only was she clearly getting the winner’s edit; but I feel she absolutely deserved it. She pulled off a most delicious hybrid of macabre and couture–and she managed to make the most of every second of her screen time. Her patter during the zombie challenge was inspired. Bianca–who was not a fan–was blown away by the attention to detail in her runway drag. She wants to see if Ms. Needles can do standard drag as brilliantly. If she can, she may just be the first of the “specialty queens” to take the win.
And it’s “Sashay Away” to Miss Alisa Summers. Sweet girl, but she apparently graduated from the Carmen Carrera School of Drag. I really don’t get these queens who think that becoming an entertainer on the level of RuPaul is simply about body and looking good. I have to believe that during the LSFYL, she honestly thought that playing with her fake titties and slowly strutting around the stage would give her the win. I’d rather see a little chunky queen working it for all it’s worth, than simply a pretty man in makeup ANY day.
So what do y’all think? Who peaked your curiosity? Who are you already tired of? Will you continue to watch this season? What about “Untucked”? Inquiring Queens want to know.
Another season of bitchery, back-stabbing and fake fabulousness is about to begin. No, I’m not talking about the next joint session of Congress. Auntie Ru is back. Let’s finish evaluating the contestants:
Madame LaQueer
Another bravado-swinging big diva. Not a good sign when the Queen is more interested in what a contestant looks like OUT of drag than in. For a person who earns their living doing other people’s makeup, I am not particularly impressed with her own maquillage. While I applaud anyone who has the chutzpah to get up in front of people and perform, that doesn’t in-and-of-itself make the performer or the performance good.I’ll be very interested to see if this Big Beautiful Bee-otch can do more than widen her eyes and posture.
Chad Michaels
The Queen is of two mindsets when it comes to introducing someone like Chad Michaels into this draggy mix. Chad Michaels is a known quantity. He has a successful career and a strong following. While each of these girls is supposed to be a “professional”, there is a big difference between doing a few shows on the weekends and performing with Elton John. On the other hand, as Michaels himself says “…I’ve seen girls who have just started pull something right out of their butt, and send a senior girl right on home…” Seniority is by no means the arbiter of Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent. There is no denying that Ms. Michaels has professionalism and the plastic surgery bills and poise to spare. It’ll be fun to see how she comports herself with the “lesser” divas on the show.
Willam
This bitch BRINGS IT: beautiful, funny, down-to-earth, media savvy and professional. It pisses me off: she’s a fiercer black queen than the REAL black queens on the show! I am genuinely excited about seeing her in all of the challenges and ESPECIALLY on the runway. I definitely think that contestants who understand the art of Acting have an advantage. Being able to appear natural allows your personality to shine through. Whether we like you or not, we get to know you. Knowing how to play to the camera without letting it dominate you is a real skill. This bitch has it in spades. Not my favorite queen yet, but I have a feeling she could quickly become so if her actual presence is as engaging as it appears to be.
The Princess
The Princess scares The Queen. This is definitely a boy in a dress. I’m getting a very strong Morgan McMichaels vibe from this one–which isn’t necessarily a good thing. Talk about an abundance of testosterone! I see a lot of in-your-face interactions with the other contestants. Very sleek and sexy, it will be fun to see Mr. Princess walk the runway. I have a feeling he will be stomping it.
On a side note: why do these bitches think that having an eclectic drag style is unique? Do they not watch the interviews of the other contestants? EVERYONE thinks that having an eclectic style makes them unique. Sorry dolls, just because you change clothes and lip sync to Cher as opposed to Madonna, doesn’t make you unique.
Speaking of unique…
Sharon Needles
LOVE HER!!!
Not my style of drag at all. But who the hell cares? She got me to click on her image just because it was so different. And then she spoke…BRILLIANT. She was the very definition of Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent. An entertainer with a strong point of view, biting wit and presence to spare–The Queen is excited to see her on the runway AND in the work room. When you can create such buzz simply through a one minute, fifty-two second video, you know you got something. I don’t think she had a chance in hell of winning–given Rupaul’s penchant for style vs. substance. But what a ride it promises to be with THIS queen in the mix!
Okay. There you have it. The Queen’s take on the contestants. He would LOVE to hear more about yours over the coming weeks. The Interior Illusions Lounge will be opening shortly. Can’t wait to grab a cock…errr…cocktail with you and enjoy this season of the Race!
The Queen has been so preoccupied these last few days, that he’s been shirking his Queenly duties: the throne hasn’t been Pledge’d and the scepter has a few cobwebs. Please forgive. However with the start of Drag Race drawing so near (this Monday), why don’t we continue counting down the bitches contestants?
DiDa Ritz
DiDa Ritz seems to have a nice personality. She’s articulate and bubbly without being nauseating. She still has that beauty pageant vibe–but I am a sucker for a realist: she acknowledges the fact that there are other talented people around. Still, as my friend and I were kee kee’ing about earlier today, there doesn’t seem to be anything special about her. It seems as if all of these girls think that simply being pretty is enough to start a mega career. Being pretty may get you in the door, but unless you have actual talent and a real media savvy, you’ll simply end up as an extra in the next John Waters movie.
Kenya Michaels
If Alexis Mateo and Yara Sofia have a love-child, it would be Kenya Michaels. I am in awe of the girls that come from Puerto Rico. It takes some major cojones (which they tuck very well) to compete in a contest that’s not in your native tongue. The divas from PR are usually smart and talented. Unfortunately there is often a slight disconnect between the queens and American Culture which hurts them in using their smarts to make the best choices during challenges. Often I fear that they are trying too hard to be “American” instead of capitalizing on their unique Puerto Rican sensibilities. Instead of looking to artists like the gorgeous Columbian, Sofia Vergara, and playing to their accent and heritage, they try to blend in.
Lashauwn Beyond
From the way Lashuawn Beyond comes off in her video, she seems like someone the Queen would like to have over for tea. Get your minds out of the gutter, Miss Things. I mean actual TEA. Smart, poised and down to earth. Possibly a little bit too down to earth. I wonder if she’s going to be ready for the cutthroat world of Drag Race. One has to be slightly nuts to put themselves out there for this kind of televised competition. I wonder if Ms. Beyond will be up to that particular type of challenge?
Milan
This bitch might just be a contender. She’s an actor, so there’s already a strong sense of how to bring out personality and play to the camera in a much more natural way. She’s comfortable in the spotlight and it actually feels as if she’s talking instead of “performing.” She’s media savvy enough to have an easily remembered name that rolls off of your tongue; and she knows her body and takes fierce picture. But I’m wondering if like Shangela–another actor–she’ll get tired of “playing” a Drag Queen, and simply use RPDR as a means to getting mainstream television work? It will be interesting to see how smart she is in playing the game.
Alisa Summers
I’m getting a real Tatianna vibe from this one. He seems to be a boy in a dress. A very pretty boy, but a boy nevertheless. Too much talk about his “beauty.” Once again a lady boy that doesn’t seem to understand that with a pair of false eyelashes, some spackle and a good make-up coach almost ANY dude can be beautiful. There’s a very “butch queen” energy about him that could make for some aggressive testosterone-filled moments in the work room. But, that said, there is still something engaging about his candor and infectious exuberance. He is definitely giving body. Hope he makes enough to get his laptop fixed.
I’ll get to the rest of these men in high-heels tomorrow. Will you be watching on Monday?
