And now it’s time for another installment (Okay, okay this is the FIRST installment–so don’t go searching the Archives section. I just like the way “another installment” sounds.) of “Dear Fierce Black Queen.” In which I tackle the thousands and thousands of e-mails the Queen receives (Again, bold-face lie. It just makes me feel impressive.) asking for advice on all matters of importance and interest.
The Queen doesn’t get it. I really don’t get it.
Warning: Graphic images of violence in post.
Our Evolving President
The Queen is still trying to figure out how I feel about this. Not the statement itself (YAY). But the concept of “evolving” into it.(*Big Scooby Doo “RRRUH RRROH!”*)
You know, gray days in the city don’t get enough credit. There’s something magic about the the way the subtle shades of charcoal and white clouds slowly swirl and dance with the buildings. The mist rising across the waters of the Hudson, and the occasional sound of a ship’s horn cutting across the relative quiet of the morning. It’s slightly heady, and whispers the promise of possibility for a new day.
It’s amazing what a venti cup of Starbucks can do for your imagination.
The Queen is working on his musings about this week’s episode of Untucked. Until he gets that out, here are a couple of things to talk about around the Deer Park tank:
Let’s Read On, shall we?
Happy Monday (Don’t slap me for that)!
The Queen was swamped all weekend and didn’t get a chance to post. Please forgive! So there’s lots to talk about over the Entenmann’s and coffee (Yay, hellkell put an order in–thanks oh fabulous one!).
Ah, you beautiful Miss Things!
We’ve all had a busy week. Hopefully things in your life are going the way you’d like them to. Let’s pamper ourselves with a sumptuous Sunday Brunch. I got us a couple of tables at Sylvia’s up on Lenox (had to almost cut a bitch to get them…but that’s neither here nor there) in Harlem. I’ve ordered the Mimosas. Try the Catfish and Eggs, or the Chicken and Waffles–they are DIVINE.
Today, the only thing heavy around here is the food. Let’s dig in!
Hey Rick! What Part of Psalms 75:7 Don’t You Understand?
If you haven’t done so already, you have GOT to check out the incredible artwork of Mr. Chad Sell. Like Sharon Needles and Chad Michaels, this phenomenal artist captures the essence of a character with specificity and charm. When you scroll through his work, you know immediately that you are in the presence of a gifted cognoscente.
What Makes A Guy Sexy?
I wrote this in a post on my other blog about two years ago, but it’s no less true today. I thought I’d share.
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2010
I am in Starbucks on East-West Highway in Hyattsville, MD. I’ve been sitting behind a beefy brother with a broad back; to-die-for love handles and belly, and a killer goatee. I’ve been crushing on him all morning. He just got up to leave and I saw something that sent me over the edge: he has pictures of what I believe to be his kids as wallpaper on his laptop. It made me want to finally record all of the unconventional things that make a man sexy to me:
ANY man who finds me attractive.
What about you Miss Things? What unconventional things do YOU find attractive in a man or woman?
Whew! I am full. Time for a nap. Talk to y’all later.
Oh, and I got the check.
With a penchant for seemingly transforming himself into whatever personae/ideology suits the moment (even briefly a Democratic one), the Gay Fairy would have an easy time placing the former Governor of Massachusetts into the Life. He would be a Drag Queen.
Headlining under the drag name Outty Touch, and touting slogans such as: “Put Your Hands on My Mitt”, and “Consistency is a Drag!”, the gay version of the Governor would go from state to state listening to constituents and then transforming his drag to match their vision of him.
Unfortunately the gay version would still have trouble attracting voters because of Mitt’s inability to relate to anyone who isn’t a Drag Queen–betting Rick Perry $10,000.00′s worth of Louis Ferre wigs, and telling a reporter that he likes to be able to fire his pedicurist whenever he wants. Eventually he would end up confusing his base. Unable to figure out what kind of drag queen Outty Touch was, they would stop putting dollar bills down his G-string, and seek out more consistent gender illusionists.
Desperately seeking the nomination, Gay Romney would stoop to recycling old catch phrases from other Queens like: “Halleigh-loo! I’m Working Class too!” and “You Better Work…and stop trying to collect Unemployment!!!” Pledging that if he doesn’t become the first Drag President, he will continue to turn up like bad re-runs of Bosom Buddies.
Many thanks to the Dragulator, from RuPaul’s Drag Race for the fabulous renditions of Outty Touch.
With a dispute over the Maine Caucuses, the feisty septuagenarian continues to battle it out for the GOP nomination. Like the straw poll in Maine, the kind of queer Mr. Paul would become if transformed by the Gay Fairy, is a close call. The Queen is going to go with Chicken Hawk.
While the true definition of a Chicken Hawk would be an older gentleman (the Hawk) who prefers younger partners (the chickens)–in Representative Paul’s case, it would seem that it’s the chickens chasing the Big Bird. Consistently besting his opponents with a higher percentage of the Republican Youth vote, our pragmatic gay version would always have his hand on the…pulse of what is important to the “Millennials.”
Armed with what would seem to be a radical approach among his fellow candidates: thoughtful intelligence; Rugged Ron would enter rallies with hunky Log Cabin Republicans touting signs saying “Poofs for Paul.” It seems to the Queen that the gay version of Ron Paul would bear a striking resemblance to the straight version…only FIERCER.
Well it’s official: this election season is more interesting than any Reality TV programming out there.
With the former senator from Pennsylvania’s upset at yesterday’s primaries and caucuses, Mr. Santorum has proven that his almost perpendicular lean to the Right is shared by many other Americans. While that truly gives the Queen the heebie jeebies, it also makes me wonder what his take on the world might look like if the Gay Fairy went down on him? What kind of queer would he be?
Another easy one: Militant Gay. With his strong conservative views and hard line ideals, it only make sense that were he transformed into a peter puffer he would be as equally adamant on All Things Gay. An avid believer in the concept that everyone is “Gay until proven Straight”, Rowdy Ricky S would push the boundaries on everything from choice of clothing to hot, juicy Public Displays of Affection with his long-time partner. With his signature slogan “Santorum for Sodomy”, the gay version of the conservative candidate would be the one shouting for equal rights at right wing rallies, prompting the authorities to drag him kicking and screaming from the event.
Let me make sure that I don’t mumble when I make this next point. I don’t want to leave any doubt as to what I am saying. The Queen is very respectful of Mr. Santorum’s focus on the family. Maybe as a gay American, he would recognize that families come in all shapes, sizes and configurations. As long as their is love and support–they may LOOK different, but they are virtually the same.